So today I handed in my two week notice for leaving my job. Im nervous and excited at the same time. I'm looking forward to my new job, but also so scared. I'm happy to be leaving my current job and get away from the empty prommises that have been given to me on many different occasions.
I was asked if I had wanted to talk about why I was leaving. I stated yes. I told them most of it was because of the empty prommises regarding another position. I also stated because of the way things have been changing around here. I feel like the staff are not here for the residents that we work with and they are here to do what they what when they want to do it. Which makes me sick!
I'm looking forward to the ways that I will be able to grown at my new job, and looking forward to doing something for me and for my family. I will be able to work on getting my license and getting experience as a case mananger. So there are many new things to come regarding my new position.
I pray that GOD will guide me through this and to make me strong when I need to be, and to push me in a positive way towards getting my license.
I'm looking forward what is to come.
I'm also a little worried that I'm going to miss my babies. I will not get to be home with them like I am now 4 days out of the week. I will get time with them before I go to work but they will be sleeping when I get home from work. I won't get that time like I have now. I also pray that GOD gives me strengh to deal with this issue, because I know that this will make me weak, and it will make it hard for me to go to work. I know that I'm going to miss my babies so much, but I pray that in the end of it all I will have my license and then be able to get a better job where I will make more money and maybe be able to work less hours.
I feel so tore! There are days that I want to be a stay at home mom, and then there are days that I want to get my license and work..... If my husband made more money then I would be able to stay at home, but then I think about that and say wow I went to college and got my masters for what then???
I feel like so many things are running through my mind... I believe it is because of the change that is coming and how I want to make my husband proud of me and what I can do for your family.
So many things to think about!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
why???
My sister in-laws left today after a good visit. Jayden got to try a lot of new things while they were down visiting. I really enjoyed the time with them and with my little family. So enjoying the time that we have had why is my husband arguing with me tonight about the time we put the kids to bed.?
Jayden used to get put to bed at 7pm and its slowly been moving back to about 7:40pm. Tonight my husband comes out of no where and says since when have we changed Jaydens bedtime. I stated a few things like since he doesnt get home till 6:20pm after eatting dinner then Jaydens going to bed where it leaves no time for Jason to have any time with Jayden. Jason says now I'm making excuses.
So because he brings up the fact that Jaydens going tobed later and later I bring up the topic of why is Lileigh going to bed earlier and earlier??? Then he tries placing the blam on me because I put her to bed early last night.
He gets mad because i dont want to give her bottles he gets mad because i keep Jayden uplater, he gets mad because i try to keep Lileigh up till 9pm. There are times i feel like i cant do anything right............... I know that im a great mom but why does he have to try and start a fight?
Why? We had a great few days we have great plans for tomorrow and now we are fighting........ WHY???????WHY WHY?????
Jayden used to get put to bed at 7pm and its slowly been moving back to about 7:40pm. Tonight my husband comes out of no where and says since when have we changed Jaydens bedtime. I stated a few things like since he doesnt get home till 6:20pm after eatting dinner then Jaydens going to bed where it leaves no time for Jason to have any time with Jayden. Jason says now I'm making excuses.
So because he brings up the fact that Jaydens going tobed later and later I bring up the topic of why is Lileigh going to bed earlier and earlier??? Then he tries placing the blam on me because I put her to bed early last night.
He gets mad because i dont want to give her bottles he gets mad because i keep Jayden uplater, he gets mad because i try to keep Lileigh up till 9pm. There are times i feel like i cant do anything right............... I know that im a great mom but why does he have to try and start a fight?
Why? We had a great few days we have great plans for tomorrow and now we are fighting........ WHY???????WHY WHY?????
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Choices
Choices it seems like I have the hardest time when it comes to them!
So when I started back to work after Lileigh was born, I spoke with my husband regarding only working two days rather than all three at first. He was ok with this and never stated anything about vacation or time off. Now that family has been coming to visit, husbands parents are coming down to visit next Friday. They are going to a water park, the plan was that we would go as a family. After seeing that my paycheck was short a day because I had forgotten that Sundays start a new week. I called work and then had them use some of my personal and sick time. Now it becomes an issue for me to be able to got this coming Friday. I need to choose to got Friday or vacation to New York in October.
I know that most/all the time my husband misses out on so many things when family comes to visit. This past time when my mom came to visit I missed out on time with her because I had to work, and it looks like its going to happen again this time when my husbands parents come to visit. I hate it! I want to be able to go, I want to have fun with my family at a water park. I can only imagin how overwhelmed Jason might get. I love his parents to death but sometimes they dont lend a helping hand when they come to visit. Which is fine because for me I'm used to doing everything normally. But when in a public place with Jayden and Lileigh its going to be a lot harder. So part of me wants to go so that we can both experience this new thing with Jayden and to help out. I know Jason can and will handle it, but I hate thinking about him doing things by himself when I know what its like!
So by the way things look as of now iI wont be going. I really wish things where different. I feel hurt and sad by not being able to go. But also some of the other things are that its next Friday and thats to short of time to get off from work so the only thing that I would be able to do is call out sick. Which I just did this past weekend so Jason could work over time.
Why do I have such a hard time seeing everything from all sides when it comes to making choices. Not just in areas of time off but in everything in my life. I also feel like when I make a choice it always gets thrown back in my face. Such as this time with time off and working.
I just want to be able to make a dission and not have it thrown back in my face and not have to then change my dission because of money! I hate money because I feel like I'm not able to do the true things I want to and its all because of money!
Now I get to see what its like to miss out on things in life and be stuck working.................................................... maybe if I didnt work weekends things would be a lot different?
So when I started back to work after Lileigh was born, I spoke with my husband regarding only working two days rather than all three at first. He was ok with this and never stated anything about vacation or time off. Now that family has been coming to visit, husbands parents are coming down to visit next Friday. They are going to a water park, the plan was that we would go as a family. After seeing that my paycheck was short a day because I had forgotten that Sundays start a new week. I called work and then had them use some of my personal and sick time. Now it becomes an issue for me to be able to got this coming Friday. I need to choose to got Friday or vacation to New York in October.
I know that most/all the time my husband misses out on so many things when family comes to visit. This past time when my mom came to visit I missed out on time with her because I had to work, and it looks like its going to happen again this time when my husbands parents come to visit. I hate it! I want to be able to go, I want to have fun with my family at a water park. I can only imagin how overwhelmed Jason might get. I love his parents to death but sometimes they dont lend a helping hand when they come to visit. Which is fine because for me I'm used to doing everything normally. But when in a public place with Jayden and Lileigh its going to be a lot harder. So part of me wants to go so that we can both experience this new thing with Jayden and to help out. I know Jason can and will handle it, but I hate thinking about him doing things by himself when I know what its like!
So by the way things look as of now iI wont be going. I really wish things where different. I feel hurt and sad by not being able to go. But also some of the other things are that its next Friday and thats to short of time to get off from work so the only thing that I would be able to do is call out sick. Which I just did this past weekend so Jason could work over time.
Why do I have such a hard time seeing everything from all sides when it comes to making choices. Not just in areas of time off but in everything in my life. I also feel like when I make a choice it always gets thrown back in my face. Such as this time with time off and working.
I just want to be able to make a dission and not have it thrown back in my face and not have to then change my dission because of money! I hate money because I feel like I'm not able to do the true things I want to and its all because of money!
Now I get to see what its like to miss out on things in life and be stuck working.................................................... maybe if I didnt work weekends things would be a lot different?
Friday, July 22, 2011
Disappointment
When I look at things in my life or in general I always see the glass as half empty. I feel like I've always been this way and its not going to change.
I feel like I'm disappointed on a regular bases, wether it be from family or friends, even my husband. But why is it that when people come to me for advice I'm able to look at life and the glass as half full, I believe its because it doesn't have anything to do with me.
The past few days I would say since sunday night I've been feeling depressed, I think thats why I've been so tired. I haven't done anything to make myself tired, besides the normal everyday things I've been doing.
I have a feeling this depression that I'm feeling is because of me being unhappy at my job! And realizing that we(husband and I) live so far away from both sides of your family.
My mom had come for a visit on saturday till wednesday. It seems like whenever we visit with each other eithr her here or me back home it makes me miss my family more and more. I even get that way when we visit Jasons family. I hate not being around family, it makes raising children even harder!!!!
Another thing that makes me feel depresed is that when someone tells me that they are going to do something and then it never gets done. Maybe its not depressed but it makes me sad, expecially when it has to do with me.
I just want to get through this time and feel normal again! I'm not really use what its going to take but I'm trying to stay open and let whatever needs to be done done.
I just want to get through this weekend, because I'm not looking forward to going to work, and being around people that I once enjoyed being around. I feel like things have changed so much since I went back to work. The things changing are all things at work themselves. I guess its just a sign that its time to look for another job. Which I have been doing, but its not going to be easy because of the fact of having to find/put th kids in daycare :(
Last night Jason stated what a co-worker was talking to him about. That this co-worker believes they are trying to gear Jason up to become a supervisor. I pray that this might happen if its what Jason wants, because then I might be able to be a stay at home mom. I really enjoy being home with my children!
I feel like I'm disappointed on a regular bases, wether it be from family or friends, even my husband. But why is it that when people come to me for advice I'm able to look at life and the glass as half full, I believe its because it doesn't have anything to do with me.
The past few days I would say since sunday night I've been feeling depressed, I think thats why I've been so tired. I haven't done anything to make myself tired, besides the normal everyday things I've been doing.
I have a feeling this depression that I'm feeling is because of me being unhappy at my job! And realizing that we(husband and I) live so far away from both sides of your family.
My mom had come for a visit on saturday till wednesday. It seems like whenever we visit with each other eithr her here or me back home it makes me miss my family more and more. I even get that way when we visit Jasons family. I hate not being around family, it makes raising children even harder!!!!
Another thing that makes me feel depresed is that when someone tells me that they are going to do something and then it never gets done. Maybe its not depressed but it makes me sad, expecially when it has to do with me.
I just want to get through this time and feel normal again! I'm not really use what its going to take but I'm trying to stay open and let whatever needs to be done done.
I just want to get through this weekend, because I'm not looking forward to going to work, and being around people that I once enjoyed being around. I feel like things have changed so much since I went back to work. The things changing are all things at work themselves. I guess its just a sign that its time to look for another job. Which I have been doing, but its not going to be easy because of the fact of having to find/put th kids in daycare :(
Last night Jason stated what a co-worker was talking to him about. That this co-worker believes they are trying to gear Jason up to become a supervisor. I pray that this might happen if its what Jason wants, because then I might be able to be a stay at home mom. I really enjoy being home with my children!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Frustration
Some days I find that I get frustrated so easily, and other days its like frustration doesnt exist in my life.
I believe todays frustration is from many things that are just a little mixed up right now in my life.
1.) The truck is in the shop so no truck, and we aren't sure when its going to be done. Making life a little crazy, unable to go grocery shopping, and get other errands done.
2.) Frustration and dislike for my current job. the one good thing about this job is I only work three days out of the week, but they are long days.
3.) My mom just left to go back home. I enjoy having her here and being around her. Shes a great woman and I miss her!
I believe that these are the three main things that are really bothering me lately. If things never bothered or frustrated me then there might be something wrong in my life. I think that things bother and frustrate us so that we work on changing things in our life. But there also needs to be change in Gods plans for us. I pray that he has change in my future,especially in the job area!
I believe todays frustration is from many things that are just a little mixed up right now in my life.
1.) The truck is in the shop so no truck, and we aren't sure when its going to be done. Making life a little crazy, unable to go grocery shopping, and get other errands done.
2.) Frustration and dislike for my current job. the one good thing about this job is I only work three days out of the week, but they are long days.
3.) My mom just left to go back home. I enjoy having her here and being around her. Shes a great woman and I miss her!
I believe that these are the three main things that are really bothering me lately. If things never bothered or frustrated me then there might be something wrong in my life. I think that things bother and frustrate us so that we work on changing things in our life. But there also needs to be change in Gods plans for us. I pray that he has change in my future,especially in the job area!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
The Ones We Love
So why is it that it seems like the ones that we love the most are the ones to hurt us so often? Is it because we have opened up so much to them and that our heart are so in love? Sometimes that hurt isn't even major things that are done. They could be the littlest of things that really have no meaning in life and we will get over with in minutes. Then on the other hand they could be the biggest of things that take us forever to get over if we even get over them at all. No matter the size of the issue/problem, pain is pain and it hurts!
Maybe thats why people say love is hard to find, becasue they aren't willing to be hurt by anyone. But maybe in the long run they are only hurting themselves becasue they are never able to truely love someone else the way God has intended us to.
So at some point in our lives we all get hurt by many different people, and many different reasons. No reason is right to hurt another but we are all human!!
Maybe thats why people say love is hard to find, becasue they aren't willing to be hurt by anyone. But maybe in the long run they are only hurting themselves becasue they are never able to truely love someone else the way God has intended us to.
So at some point in our lives we all get hurt by many different people, and many different reasons. No reason is right to hurt another but we are all human!!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Life
Could life get any better?
When I sit down and look at what I have in my life, I see greatness! But something is still missing.
I have an amazing, loving husband, and two beautiful children.
I'm thankful for all the people that I have in my life, whether they be family or friends. I'm proud they are all in my life in some way or another.
But the greatest thing that I have in my life is the almighty one. There are times when I don't always go to him, but He knows.
I feel that life goes to fast and when it gets crazy I forget that I have the best person to turn to, and that I don't have to do all the work by myself.
When I have questions like I do now, I need to remember I have God to turn to. To help me in a time of need. He may not answer my questions when I want Him to but He knows the answers and what will happen when its supposed to. I want HIS will to be done not mine! But I have trouble with leaving it to Him...............
So maybe the answer to my question could be yes, because if I allow God into my life more than I have been. I will be blessed more than one could think!!!!
I miss that feeling that I used to get when I allowed God into my life. It wasn't that long ago when my little family would go to church every Sunday. Now it doesn't happen, and for many more reasons than just not going! I believe I need more of God in my life.
The time is now to make a change and to do that I ask God to step into my life and for me to feel His spirt within me.
New
I've found that I enjoy writing about my life and things going on in it. So maybe instead of writing in a note book all the time I can enjoy writing my thoughts, feelings, ideas, and all the other wonderful things that come to mind on here..
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